Friday, January 23, 2009

Cloudy Vision

Right now its hard for me to see myself on a stage anytime soon. Its hard for me to focus. I'm frustrated that I can't work out. I got sent home from work today because my breathing is so bad. My chest really hurts. :( I'm on a ton of meds to make me better. I'm just not better yet. I want to lift and do cardio. I feel like a fat, lazy bum! I haven't been 100% on eats. I know that eating clean is totally separate than working out. One does not preclude the other. They are two separate functions that both must be done 100%. One doesn't make up for the other, yet... when I miss workouts I get that fatalistic thinking. The thinking that since I am not working out.... I can eat this. *UGH* That's the reverse of what I should be thinking! Everything just feels better about my day when I workout first. I'm tempted to do something tonight. I just KNOW that it is NOT smart. Grrrr.

So I can't visualize my weight loss right now. I can't see the stage. I am gaining weight from the meds I am on. I can't workout. Let's add hubby being a jerk and loads of work stress. I'm feeling lost. I'm stumbling through the woods with no clear direction. Its foggy and I am getting smacked in the face with tree branches.

One thing I miss the most that I haven't done since last spring is Yoga. I miss it SO much. Doing some Yoga and meditation will help. Instead of fighting my way through this I need to just stop and recenter myself. I have a pile of worries and tears. I need to sit down and just breathe. I think this bronchitis is actually a gift. Its forcing me to have some down time. No more spinning in circles.

Sometimes the best way to clearer vision is to close your eyes.