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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Headspace

First I want to say I'm sorry for not commenting on everyone else's blogs lately. :(

I wish I was doing a positive blog. I just don't have it in me. I'm not in the best headspace. My energy levels have been absolute junk lately. I'm SO exhausted. Its stupid. My workouts are weak and I'm just wasted after doing them. I have had insane cravings- because I am tired. Add in some stupid work scheduling and an insane boss and well, what can a girl do? I'm trying to stay on track, but failing. I haven't been able to get to the dang grocery store for my food. I meant to last night but I was so tired I wanted a nap- and then I overslept. *dang* I feel fat and squishy. I hate this feeling. I liked feeling lean and strong. I'm so frustrated. I know what I need to do, but where is my spark? What happened?
I am absolutely miserable in my job. I feel so trapped. I feel like there is nothing I can do. No where to go. The job market here is terrible and I don't have the skills required for the jobs that are available. Going back to school isn't an option at this point. I NEED to keep my income, but the stress and overwhelming urge to run out of the door OR hurt somebody is getting to be too much. My boss makes my job miserable. There are enough trials and issues at my job to begin with. The company is making things a little crazy. I keep looking and looking for another way and I just can't find anything right now. Things were so bad yesterday I had 3 customers ask me what was wrong with my boss. Well... in psychology we call it neurotic and narcissistic. *sigh*
I've got to get my head back in the game. Hopefully talking to my trainer will at least help me get back into the fitness and comp prep game. I need that for my survival.
I'm a fighter. Some days I feel like lying down and giving up. I'm just so tired. That will change though. No one is going to keep me down. I'm not giving up. I'm taking a moment to restore my energy. Then... look out.

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