Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Just call me Captain Grumpy. I have had less than 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights and I've worked 2 10 hour days. I know for some people in other professions those days aren't that long. If I didn't have to deal with a certain person for the whole time it would be more bearable. The lack of sleep makes it that much harder to deal with him. I just can't handle the incessant blabbering of egotistical nonsense that gets spewed forth. Its topped with neurotic mind games where if you aren't him you can't win. You are and always will be wrong. *sigh*
I wish I was stronger and smarter, more skilled in something else. I wish I could get out of this situation. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to be in another high pressure sales situation. I like helping people. I don't have any kind of nursing or therapy skills. I wish I did because that is much more up my alley. I've wanted to go to massage therapy school for 6 years, but thought maybe I wouldn't be able to make money. Right now I hold our benefits and its a huge price break. I hate financial crap! I'm just not sure what to do or where to go. I'm feeling a bit paralyzed by this whole situation. I don't know how to get out of this in the current job market. Its hard to sell yourself when everyday you get told in some way that you aren't good enough. I have enough self-esteem issues, thanks. The boss knows how to beat people down. :(

I'm a barrel of frustration this morning. My weight is up today. Why? I dunno- cause I'm a girl? I feel puffy. Maybe its the antihistamine. I feel like I can't win. No drugs, no breathe. Drugs mean water retention. *bah!*
I feel like I am chasing my trainer down. He has missed calls with me and I was supposed to have a new plan for today. He's really nice and knows what he is doing, but I HATE feeling like a nag. God, I HATE it. I know he's busy, but the missed calls and lack of communication have me feeling like he doesn't want to train me. Its just my lack self-esteem screwing with me I'm sure. I am on a tight, tight budget, so I need an exact plan so I can buy the right groceries. If he changes a bunch of stuff and I need to go buy more things it really messes things up. I'm down to the last day of meals. I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I guess another email is in order. *damn*

You know its going to be rough when your horoscope tells you to "go ahead and have your meltdown". WTF? Its almost comical at this point.

Okay, I think the unload is over.

I've got to get some working out done. I'm praying for a good day. I need to have some awesome sales. Anyone need a netbook or mobile broadband (internet connection?) Heh. Yeah.

Off to conquer the day. Its conquer or be conquered... I don't wanna lose...