So What?

When did we become such babies? I've been thinking a lot about how NOT BEING COMFORTABLE influences everything we do as a society. I know on a personal level it affects me all the time. It doesn't apply in a way that indicates an actual pain or problem per se. Its manifests in a lazy way. "I don't feel like" is a common phrase that I catch coming out of my mouth. I don't feel like making dinner because I am tired. While that is a valid statement of being tired, is it REALLY that painful to make dinner? Really? And if I am truly TOO tired to cook, then odds are I'd be too tired to eat.
How about exercise? Do you skip workouts or more likely not push hard enough? Its easier to not push hard enough. I've gone through the motions of a workout to say that I got it done. Some activity is better than none, right? Its uncomfortable to push harder and be out of breath- or even to the "pre-puke" point. lol I know I am not alone in this. Looking around at the people in my city I can see that most folks use the drive-thru daily. I'm sure even less people worry about the exercise intensity as much as actually doing *something at all*.
So when did we get so lazy? Yeah, I said it! Do you walk all the places that your *really* could? Its easier to just get in the car and go. Our ancestors from waaaaaayyyyy back actually had to roam the land looking for food and avoiding being prey themselves. Not so long ago, people walked WAY more. They walked to work and back. They actually MOVED. Sure, they may not have felt like putting forth effort sometimes to do the things they had to do, but it wasn't so optional. I realize that in this busy, crazy, time crunched world we live in, that modern conveniences like cars, drive-thrus and microwave meals allow us to get more done. I absolutely believe that we work more, do more, stress more and live in dis-ease, discomfort and dis-health more too. Slowing down isn't always an option. The challenge is this- eating healthier and conditioning our bodies allows us to have less dis-ease. Quality of life is improved and stress levels generally decrease. So what if we don't feel like cooking? So what if we just go through the motions in our workouts. So what if we walk less, stress more, eat convenience foods? The consequences of discomfort (ie- choosing the healthy path) are far more beneficial than the consequences of dis-ease (ie- illness, stress, death)

So what's it going to be? Pushing harder and eating cleaner??? Yeah, that's what I thought. There was no "OR" option. ;)

*Whoa! Now hold on there, Hippocrates!*

“Obese people and those desiring to lose weight should perform hard work before food. Meals should be taken after exertion and while still panting from fatigue. They should, moreover, only eat once per day and take no baths and sleep on a hard bed and walk naked as long as possible.”
--Hippocrates

So... no baths and walking around naked as long as possible??? LMAO!!!

Isn't that just a sight? I'm down with the hard work before eating. I'm not fond of a hard bed, but if I'd lose weight I'd try it. No baths and walking around naked? Ummm, no. I have to say I have an exhibitionist streak hidden somewhere inside me, but this scary, blinding white, fat butt ain't walking around anyone without being covered! LOL

I love learning about what the "professionals", fathers and intelligents had to say about health, wellness and diseases. Hippocrates is considered the father of modern medicine- hence the Hippocratic Oath that doctors take. Hippocrates had a theory/belief about the four humours in the body (blood, black bile, yellow bile and phlegm). If anyone of those was in disharmony or imbalanced, a dis-ease state (illness or lack of wellness) would be present. All fluids had to be in correct alignment to result in health. Fascinating!

I have always been interested in the body, health and how things work. I was a pro at my Anatomy & Physiology classes. I did great in Genetics classes- to the point where several professors and the head of the department asked me to take further courses and independent studies. I am fascinated by the human body. It truly is amazing.

Maybe one day I can get myself back into school and do something I enjoy- or at least something I would feel good about doing. For now, I guess I can just read and learn and review so that way when the time comes, I will be relearning and tweaking instead of coming from scratch. Much easier to manage the work and schooling that way.

Now we're on the upswing

So yeah, I AM a roller coaster. LOL
I got my big @ss on the bike and I feel so much better. I think higher sugar makes me depressed and cranky too. My sugar was 120 when I got on the bike. After my workout it was 82. MUCH better. My quads are getting so hard. I love it. Now if the back side would catch up! lol More donkey kicks in my future. I ended my workout with a kick boxing style random thing. "Fighter" was my last song so I hopped off the bike and kicked and punched and really raised my heart rate. It felt great.

I think part of my issue lately is that I miss cooking. I used to make some divine casseroles, awesome soups and stews and all sorts of other cool things. One day when I am in a more maintenance type phase I can go back and alter things and make them healthier, but right now I have to avoid most of the ingredients- like cheese and rice and potatos and flour and sodium. :P Starch is bad, mmmkay? (channeling South Park).

I am making a tortilla soup for tonight. I am going without the tortillas but I love southwestern/ texmex type of flavors. I am putting everything in the crock pot so that way when I got home late tonight I can't say I am too tired to make anything. :P Gotta have a plan. I'm off again tomorrow- *sweet* This is awesome. I can finish what I started yesterday.

Today is going to be a great day. It has to be. My eyes are on the positive.

Rollercoaster

Yesterday started well. I was on target with eating and working out. I lasted until about 2:45. Everything fell apart around then. I was cleaning my house up and doing laundry. I was feeling great and then out of nowhere... I started feeling tired. Then I started feeling sad and weepy. Then I was freaking out for sugar. I don't have any in the house. I needed sweets. :( I had chicken and veggies with a tiny bit of pasta- hoping that would fix the INTENSE craving. No go. I went out to buy coffee and came home with coffee, cookies and ice cream! I felt guilty, but did that stop me? Nope. I feel like a true addict. I don't understand. I was doing well. I wasn't feeling deprived or anything. I felt accomplished and positive. Out of nowhere I started feeling physically and emotionally whacked out. I checked my sugar when I was freaking out wanting it so bad. I thought it might be that I was low or something. Nope. I was just fine. The only thing I can think is it is related to cortisol. I am frustrated and confused. I just hate feeling like a victim. I hate feeling like I have no control. This is SO beyond will power. I was like a ravaging machine. If I didn't get some stupid sugar I was going to ... I don't know. I was freaking out though. Its worse now than I have ever experienced. I am off supplemental hormones. Maybe its that. Ugh. April 1st can't come quick enough.

I am swollen up today. I don't feel like working out. I am congested and grumpy. I got what I deserved after eating crap. I drank 5 liters of water yesterday. I ate clean until the evening. I worked out. I did some things right. I'll focus on that for now.

I'm up, down and all around. *sigh*

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch Changes...

:)
So far so good. I really think my new plan is the way to go for me right now. Next month I will add intervals, but for now I have to do long bouts of steady state cardio. I am also stoked to have fruit in my diet. Everything is based off glycemic load. Glycemic index is not the entire picture. My poor pancreas is producing so much insulin and my cells are not responding to the appropriate amounts. Keeping my blood sugar level is the key to getting my cells to respond to the insulin again. That will allow my pancreas to chill out and not work so hard. Anyway...

I changed my blog up a bit. I am going back to what this blog was intended for in the first place- its about health. I want to share whatever information I learn on being healthy. It could be a certain yoga pose helps with X,Y or Z. It can be the benefits of calcium or even about certain "dis-health" situations- like the insulin resistance topic I am working through. I hope that my friends will stick with me, but if my blogs are not of interest, I understand. I'll still post progress and goals, etc. I'm just not focused on competition anymore. That may change later on, but for now I am seeking balance. I sacrificed a lot this fall and winter. I unfortunately made little progress. Understanding what I do now, I can move forward and hopefully make huge progress this spring. I am not comfortable with being this fat- and yes friends, I am fat. Say whatever you like, but its there. The fat is all over and I am slowly melting it away. One day I won't say I am fat. One day I will say I am strong and sexy and HEALTHY. Fat has its place and purpose, but I have too much of it. This spring is the time for me to reshape and revamp my body. I have gained a lot of knowledge over time and now I can implement what I have learned so far.
I am in such a better state of mind right now. I know that it can change, but I am trying to stay focused on balance. Things in life will happen. Work will be the stressful environment it is. I can do what I can to stay positive and less stressed. Being less stressed comes from yoga and meditation, cardio and eating healthy.

:)

Non-related to most of the content of this entry...
When my tax return comes in...
I decided on the Sole F63 treadmill. I am getting my hair done. I am getting a webcam- I just might vlog! I may also buy more stuff for my photography. :)

My Insulin Resistance Program

I have come up with a program that I believe will reduce my insulin resistance and ultimately eliminate it completely. I have been doing A LOT of research the last week on diets and exercise, Insulin Resistance, Diabetes, Cortisol levels, PCOS, etc. I am a bit exhausted by all of it, but I believe I have come up with an acceptable program to be on my way to health. Once I am healthier I can tackle some fitness goals more aggressively. Right now, being overzealous in my training is a detriment to my progress. So, here is what I have come up with.

Goal- reduce / eliminate insulin resistance and lower cortisol levels by keeping blood sugar levels even.


Exercise Program

1.- Steady State Cardio 4x a week- 45+ minute sessions.
2.- Yoga- Power, Vinyasa Flow & Mixed 2-3x(approx 45 minute sessions)
3.- Weight Training Sessions 3x a week- Full Body Circuit Training

Nutrition Program

Breakfast- 1/2c Oatmeal & 4 eggwhites
Snack- AdvantEdge RTD or Strawberries & Almonds
Lunch- 5oz Chicken or Turkey Breast; 1c Broccoli or Green Beans
Snack- Apple & String Cheese or Protein Shake
Dinner- 6oz Chicken or Turkey Breast; 2 cups Salad with Balsamic Vinegar
Snack- (If needed)- Protein Shake or Cottage Cheese

Supplements
1. Biotin- 5mg
2. ACV
3. Tulsi Tea (Holy Basil Tea to reduce cortisol)
4. Lean Out (L-Carnitine, Chromium Picolinate) (Help Keep Blood Sugar even)
5. BCAA's during lifting sessions
6. Calcium * Magnesium
7. EFA- Fish & Flax Oil

Eventually, I'd like to reduce the supplement list. Right now I am dealing with PCOS, Insulin Resistance, High Cortisol levels, bone loss trending towards Osteopenia and overall, stress levels that are beyond unhealthy. I need to combat the stress primarily in order to have ultimate success. Meanwhile, I must supplement and do the best I can.

I have a lot of big goals this year, but the primary goal is getting healthy. :)

You are like a baby...

Since Tuesday morning I have been checking my blood sugar level throughout the day to see what it is and what affects it. Most of the time when I have been 100% its been on the lower end of normal and mostly stable. My meals have not caused dramatic increases or decreases. My highest peak 45 minutes after a meal (high protein, moderate carb) was 99. Out of 9 times checked, 7 were 85. Usually first thing in the morning (fasted state) or 2 hours after a meal. Its pretty consistent. That makes me feel pretty good. Here's the best reason of all for me to do this- yesterday I got no lunches or breaks. I had to cram protein pancakes in my mouth at random chances. I am SO glad I was prepared with those! I knew it would be busy, but my business deal kept me crazy busy and then the boss freaked and kept dumping more at me, so... anyway. I had chicken and pasta last night. It was a quick fix and I was STARVED. I know it was bad, but I didn't have much of a choice. I did resist all the sugary hot chocolate and candy, so... I could have chosen worse. At least I had protein. I didn't check my sugar after the pasta. I was tired anyway, so I just went to bed. I wish I would have checked. This morning after 7 1/2 hours... my sugar was at 120! I can only imagine what it was after the pasta. I didn't even eat a lot. It was 1 cup cooked. Wow. Tuesday and Wednesday morning it was 85.

I don't particularly enjoy the stabbing part of this (okay so its just a prick), but the feedback of what is happening in my body is rewarding. I'm not sure how long I will do this, but its of great use to me right now. Its keeping me focused on the HEALTH side of this. Sure I want to be a bombshell, but I need to be healthy on the inside. I won't compromise myself anymore. The days of fad diets, quick fixes, unhealthy pills or whatever are OVER as are the days of binges, hiding or stashing food and emotional eating. I'm not saying I won't struggle or stumble ever again, but I aim to walk tall, strong and healthy. My sister in law is diabetic. Her pancreas just stopped working right. She doesn't have a choice if she wants to stay healthy and avoid the complications of diabetes. I am going to walk that walk too. I no longer have the option of being immature in the mind and choosing low nutritional value foods. I deserve a healthy and strong body. My body deserves to be treated with respect and love. I wouldn't tell a baby how ugly it was and glare at it with disdain. I wouldn't feed it the crap foods in horrible volumes. I would love it and cherish it. I would feed it healthy foods at appropriate portions. WHY would I choose to do anything less for myself?

I am reborn! ;) How about you?

What goes up, must come down....

I just want to thank everyone for the support yesterday. My freakout is over. I woke up mad yesterday and made the mistake of getting on the scale. That made me even more mad. I rode my bike hard for a good sweaty workout, ate clean the WHOLE day- no nibbles or tastes, sold a ton of stuff at work and went to Power Yoga at night. I felt great most of the day despite feeling awkward in my clothes. I don't know, maybe I just needed a kick in the ass. lol I am ready for another clean day. I have to say it was hard a few times. I had that sugar need and yowsers! I needed food fast. My SIL gave me a meter to test my sugar. There are times in the afternoon I just feel horrible, so I am going to test and see if my sugar is low or high or normal. I usually feel lightheaded and dizzy and crave sugar, so we'll see.

Something Important- I threw out the sugar free syrup. Mine had aspartame in it!!?? I seriously think that was making things worse. I think that it made my cravings horrible and I think it was making me hold weight too! Check out this and this !
The first article is lengthy, but a very good read, period. The second is Jodi's blog and has info as well as a link to an article on aspartame.

Check it, learn it, live it!

Off for some EMC.

Oh and did I mention... I'm down 6.6 lbs this morning!!?? Woo Hoo! Stupid water, fat whatever! I'm in fat assault mode now, Baby!

Trying to avoid having one of THOSE days...

What the hell??? I woke up PISSED OFF at the world. I don't get it. I'm a real cranky biatch right now. I'm sure its some combo of hormones and whatever. Oh and I managed to gain 7 lbs in two days. Really? Well why don't I just go eat pizza and candy and whatever crap I want. I'm already WAYYYY off target. I should be losing not gaining. My clothes fit like shit. I feel like shit. I am freaking out. I am sooo hungry all the time. Nothing is effing helping. My lower abdomen is SO frickin puffed out. Its been getting bigger and bigger everyday despite clean eating. I have had hot chocolate, some Chex mix and an ice cream sandwich in the last 3 days. Not proud, but is that 7 lbs worth of calories??? Hell no! 24,500 extra calories had to be consumed. Uh.... definitely not. Even if I pigged out on pizza.... grrrrr. I have had low carb yogurt to help with my sugar cravings and I have actually eaten 5-6 times, but the calories are not that bad. I feel like starving myself. I swear. I know its not healthy. I am having a HUGE battle in my mind. I just hate this so much. I'm fighting to not spin out of control.

Waking up pissed off and 5lbs heavier than the day before is NOT the way I planned this. I am supposed to go to yoga tonight and quite frankly I don't want to go ANYWHERE. Not even work. Hell, I don't even want to be awake today. This blows.

On My Own Again

Well... I am on my own again. I had to take a break from training with Julie. I just couldn't afford it along with my stupid medications. It just didn't make sense for me to keep paying to reach a goal that isn't in sight for awhile. I have to take care of some of my medical issues first.

My eating has been less than stellar. I have been craving sugar in the worst way. I am feeling like an addict. I am starting fresh tomorrow with my meal plan. I'm going to do my best to eat like as if I am in fact 22 weeks out.

I am starting up my yoga practice again. I'm totally pumped too. I am going to classes two times a week. I really feel alive when I am actively practicing. I just feel like I am ME. Kinda weird maybe, but I feel at home on the mat. By the end of this year, I want to do the Scorpion pose



I am getting a treadmill of my own. :) Love the tax refund... I'm torn between the Sole F63 or F80. Its a $500 difference. *sigh*