One moment I am full of will power and determination... the next I am not. 8 days until they draw blood to find out what is wrong. I am feeling like a maniac. The headaches come and I find that my nose bleeds at some point and I am SO aggressive. The stupidest things are setting me off. I have been able to control myself so far, but dang! The thoughts I have are just MEAN! :( I'm not a mean person. This is so NOT like me. I am not caring or compassionate or even remotely understanding when this happens. Its like a switch or something. I have been extremely agitated and anxious since last night. I don't know what happened. I started getting sharp pains in my head and then my nose felt really stuffy. I knew it was the blood clots in my nose. Sure enough it was. I was feeling angry before that for no apparent reason. Then I just couldn't stop the nervous energy- you know the toe tapping or leg shaking. Constant movement. Of course I couldn't seem to channel that into working out. :( I just feel so damn out of control. Its scary. I feel like I am watching another person act out in my body. This is the first week post-period. I'm not really sure what hormones are doing what at this point. Its not PMS. Its AMS. I just feel like a whacko.
I haven't been perfect. Dinner is the big struggle. Its just so hard to see the scale go up and my clothes fit tighter. I do better than most Americans do who don't gain weight the way I do. Yet, my imperfection still leads to hefty punishment.
The doctor is going to think I"m nuts when I see her. I might just fall on my knees and beg. Please fix me. I can't take the headaches and insane mood swings much longer. Nevermind the monstrosity I have become in the last 2 months. I need some help.
*sigh*
One word that will define my whole year
4 years ago
3 comments:
Hang in there! The doctor isn't gonna think you're nutso... I just really hope that she recognizes that you can't live like this anymore and she needs to figure it all out asap!
You're doing good, just a lil longer. :)
((hugs))
Thank you for commenting on my blog, I hope you tried the exercise, it's so cool!
It sounds like you're going through some scary stuff, I can't believe you have to have to wait 8 days for them just to start figuring out what it is. Hang in there.
(I love your words to live by on the side bar!)
Lori- thanks. I'm trying to hang in there. Yesterday was a decent day. I got the twinges of a headache a couple times but I was able to control my mood for the most part.
Laurie- thanks for stopping by! That exercise was amazing. I couldn't believe it. :)
I've been waiting since January to get into a doctor. To see an endocrinologist is almost a 6 month wait. I don't know why but they are ALWAYS booked. I was going to have to wait until July but luckily someone canceled and I got April 1st instead. If my nose bleeds and headaches were bad enough I would go to the hospital. Each time is not pleasant and the headaches are just painful- but its the continuous cycle that gets me. Its as if they will never leave.
Anyway... thanks for stopping by! And thanks for your post - it was awesome!
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