Refined Carbs= irritable?

So I woke up the carb monster in me yesterday. I had all sorts of luscious refined carb goodness. I won't say what to spare everyone, but I indulged in my free meal- bigtime. Quantity of food was fine, but quality... well plain turkey is ON plan, but the other T-day fixins were not. :O I found myself irritable shortly after the carb spike ended and I was looking for MORE. I needed more carbs to get my fix. I have been drinking water like a fiend last night and this morning, trying to drown out the call for more simple sugars. I am fiending for more right now! I *want* (almost NEED) something white and refined. lol Hubby has a bagel in the kitchen and I have been fighting it off all morning. *ack* Now I completely realize what will happen if I eat that bagel. I realize where it will lead. MORE of this. Today at work will collapse around me. I'll be eating and picking at all the garbage like everyone else. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I am off to do some EMC and then eat protein pancakes. I'm thinking maybe I can make some extra and use them on the go today. I HAVE to make sure my nutrition is 100% solid today. My carb monster is reactivated and I am back to fighting him back down into remission. I just can't believe how quickly the drop in refined carbs comes. My sugar is SO less stable. I felt it drop and immediately I wanted more. No wonder my family is overweight. *sigh*


Okay I'm off to do some EMC and then get some non-refined carbs and lots of good protein in me. :P

I learn something every day.... I am thankful for that!

Thanksgiving Thought

Thankful for It All

Think today of how good life can be. And you'll see that life's true goodness comes not from what you have, but from how much you value and appreciate it.

There is no end to the possibilities for richness and fulfillment in your life. There is no limit to what you can make of whatever you have.

Consider what you are able to be thankful for, and you'll discover something wonderful and empowering. You can be thankful for it all.

Look back and you'll see that the pleasures and the pains have both pushed you forward and given you countless opportunities for real growth. You've been supported by the good things you do have and inspired to reach for those things you do not yet have.

The triumphs have given you joy and the disappointments have strengthened your determination. All of it has enabled you to more richly fulfill the beautiful, genuine person you are.

Treasure all that is around you, whatever it may be, and open yourself to the positive possibilities. Be truly thankful for it all, and every day is even more rich and fulfilling than the day before.

-- Ralph Marston

I want one!

So, I guess this is motivation for today...





I want one. I want one, because I won it. :D You hear that body? You hear that attitude? We must get it together, because I want that! Ok, GO!

New Attitude, New Look...

Okay. I hate leaving my blog on a negative note. I have had some time to cry and pout and feel desperate and be angry. I can't change anything that happened that got me to this point. I can be proud of what I have accomplished so far and move forward. I can only improve from here. I am going to continue doing my best to make the best choices to lose this fat. I hit bottom officially with that number. It was a sucker-punch that doubled me over. I now can move upward and onward. No more turning back. I can never go back. I can only move closer to my dreams and goals.

I decided it was time for a change on the blog. I liked the other one, but I needed something new. New attitude, new look? :)

I have this printed up and it made its way into my view this evening. Perfect.


Dare to Imagine-- Ralph Marston

"In your min dyou can go anywhere. And where your mind consistently goes, the rest of your life will follow.

There is no limit to what you can imagine. And what you imagine, you have already begun to create.

Allow your thoughts to travel often to beautiful and magnificent places. In your mind, construct all the rich details of the life you wish to live.

In order to reach for a dream, you must know what it looks like, how it feels, and where it is. Long before you actually get there, your mind can enable you to experience all these things.

Every success is first a success of the imagination. What wonderful pathways will you dare to imagine?

Set your imagination free and it will show you who you are. Let imagination guide your efforts and your dreams will be fulfilled."

So there you go. I'm back to imagining myself on stage, ready to win! It just might be some other date...

Just when I thought I was on an upswing....

I am pretty much at the lowest point. I don't know where to go from here. I am ready to give up. How could I POSSIBLY be THIS fat??? And I lost 26lbs this year! The percentage is mind boggling. I think its safe to say I won't be getting on stage anytime soon. Probably not until the end of next year if I work even harder than ever. I want to say its not fair. Being a vegetarian for the last 5 years obviously hurt me more than anything. I didn't get enough protein at all. I know I didn't eat well, but I mean isn't there a point where you just can't be any fatter? I mean you can't be 100% fat. All the weight training I have done, all the cardio, all the clean eating... I feel like I worked so hard to hear 53.3%. What? WHAT? How is that possible?? Does that mean I was like 60 or 70% earlier this year???? Its a damn DEXA scan. Its not wrong. I am trying not to bawl like a baby and give up. I swear my doctor likes to be mean. The nurse calls and says "Dr. X says you results still put you in the Obese range, continue on your program." I had to make her give me the percentage and what the hell- he doesn't know what program I'm on. He has never given me guidance. Just the last visit where he told me I was obese.

I just feel like the biggest piece of crap right now. I feel like my dreams have just been ripped away. I SO wanted to be ready for April. I really thought that I was in better condition than that. Obviously not. I am my worst fears. I AM the fat girl that wants to play and no one wants her to cuz she's too fat and slow. I have always felt this way and now its been thrown in my face. I don't think I can do the Fitbody team. I am waaaaay to self conscious. These girls on the team will be starting with half the body fat I have or less.

I feel like never eating again. I feel like I should tie myself to the treadmill until the soles of my shoes are gone. (no worries it won't happen) I just feel so... lost and hopeless.

Is there something just that wrong with me? I haven't been perfect, but I just can't believe that working as hard as I have this year that this is my condition. I am trying not to freak but I am. I am going to have to decide what to do. I will keep trying but this is just a kick in the face. Oh- and my mean female boss says I would make a good PLUS size model. Thanks.

Feeling Human Again

I am finally feeling human again. I think (*fingers crossed*) that the ickies are leaving me! My head is still draining, but at least I have some balance, I'm a little more perky and I can sorta breathe. lol I am not so cranky this morning. I love it. Gosh, when I get sick I just get cranky and unhappy. I hate being sick so much. So from today, on, I am focusing on how healthy and well I feel.

Drinking all this water has helped tremendously I think. I think it has helped flush the junk out. Staying hydrated when sick is so important. I think having the water habit in place already made a huge difference. I am working on consistent nutrition for next week. Its the holiday season and work is stupid crazy- and so are my bosses. They don't like you to stop to even use the bathroom! I really hate drinking my RTDs in the bathroom, but it looks like that is my last resort option. I chug as much water as I can throughout the day, but I like to sip my RTDs and not gulp them down. I will do what I need to do.
I am feeling determined again. I am resting today and eating clean. Tomorrow starts Week 2. I have got to hit it 100%. Every day, every moment, every decision counts. Poor choices I make- be it eating something not on plan, not eating enough now, missing workouts, etc- each choice will show on stage on April 4th. Hopefully all my good choices will show up, too. :)
Yep, I'm feeling alive again. :D

:(

I am so sick. I started feeling better on Thursday- I think the antibiotics kicked in? Yesterday morning I was feeling great. After my workout and shower I started feeling so-so. By mid-day I was spent. My head is pounding and filled with more crap than I thought could possibly fit in there! My poor nose is RAW. My ears are now plugged up. I sneezed over 20 times yesterday and I just gave up counting. How did I end up feeling worse??? Did that steroid shot for my lungs make everything worse? I just feel like I have been run over and my head was stomped on just for fun. It literally hurts to even lightly touch my head. :(
Monday starts a fresh week of training and I'm going to be angry if this darn cold thing doesn't get lost. This week was not how I hoped it would go. Every moment counts. I'm trying to not to get discouraged but I am afraid I won't make my April show date. I don't want to just get on the stage. I want to get on the stage with a competitive physique. I'm trying not to worry about things, but its hard. I don't want to feel like junk. I want to be healthy and strong and tackling my workouts.


On a positive note: GO MUSCLE IN THE CITY!!!!!!!! ROCKFORD won't know what hit 'em!

Turkey Chili Recipe

I made this tonight. Depending on what is allowed on your plan, this is a pretty clean meal. I made my serving size 2 cups. Perfect for cold, snowy weather. :)

Hillary's Turkey Chili


Ingredients:

1 lb 97% lean ground turkey
1 1/2 cups frozen chopped onion (you can use fresh, but frozen is way less time consuming)
4 cups frozen Stir Fry Pepper Mix (about 1/2 a bag)
2 cans low sodium diced tomatoes
1 can kidney beans- well rinsed
4 cloves of garlic- chopped
1 1/2 tsp cumin (or to taste)
1 TBSP chili powder
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste

Brown the ground turkey in pan.
Coat a large pot with cooking spray and add garlic and onion. Add seasonings to onions and garlic.
Next, add peppers and tomatoes.
Slowly stir mixture, then add rinsed kidney beans.
Add browned turkey and cook on low for 40-50 minutes.

Makes 6-8 servings

Nutrition Info (based on 6- 2 cup servings)

Calories: 194
Fat: 1.6g
Carbs: 21
Protein: 23.5
Fiber: 4.8

I tried to make this as clean as possible. Let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions. :)
Enjoy!

Tagged- several times...

Okay I have been tagged several times, so here it goes.

6 things (x3) that make me happy:

1. Warm blankets
2. Spice Chai Latte (more specifically: Venti Vanilla with Whip Chai)
3. The beach
4. Water- I LUV water!
5. Snuggling with my hubby
6. UMP shake w/ ice & milk - Yummmmmm! Its soooo like a real milkshake!
7. Big Fluffy bath towels from the dryer
8. Chili - made with turkey and kidney beans
9. The color PINK :)
10. Cinnamon- I add cinnamon to a lot of my food and I love candles, body sprays, etc that have cinnamon in them.
11. Fit Friends! :)
12. Training with Julie
13. Dogs! (Petfinder breaks my heart... so many animals need homes! I wish I could rescue them all!)
14. Photography- I love taking pictures. I mostly take pictures of nature.
15. Aruba
16. Pizza. Its my favorite food unfortunately. lol
17. Surprise presents- i love being surprised in a good way! :)
18. Books- I love reading. I wish I had more time to read. Books make good company.

I'll have to think of the weird things about me and get back to you all. Since most of you have already been tagged, I won't tag anyone, but if you haven't been tagged yet.... then... TAG! You're it! :D

"You're basically obese...."

Not everyone gets to hear those words ring in their ears. I get to.

This is why I love going to the doctor's. *sigh* This congestion, coughing and wheezing got to me so I sucked it up and went to the doctor's today. I got all that fun stuff taken care of- I guess I have asthma issues and my lungs sound terrible and are spasming. Okay... I guess I didn't notice my lungs spasming, but if its impeding my breathing then let's fix it. I got some antibiotics and a shot in the butt. *OUCH* I have a feeling I'm going to be sore.

Anyway... after we took care of the primary reason for my going to the doc's in the first place, I asked if he could give me a referral for a DEXA scan for body composition. They offer the body comp scans, but a referral is still required. First my doctor looks at me and asks why I want one. (ummm, duh? I want to know my body composition?) I tell him why and then he looks at my chart where they apparently calculate BMI's. I know BMI's aren't 100% but they work for the majority as decent indicators. He looks at my BMI and blurts out "You are basically obese. Okay get the scan and then put the results on your refrigerator as a wake up call." Then he walks out of the room. ?????????????? Okay so I sit there dazed for a minute and he sticks his head back in the room and says "Oh, if you don't lose weight by January, see me. I will give you Miridia. Its an old anti-depressant that was designed for weight loss. Its not a stimulant but it will jump start you."

I'm not going to let this ruin me. I wanted to tell him to look at my chart- he'd see that I have lost 25lbs this year. Its not like I am sitting on my butt eating Twinkies. (for the record I think Twinkies are gross.) I have had to work hard to get where I am. Its not great I know, but its certainly an improvement. Thanks for the encouragement doc. *sigh* I'm going to use this as more fuel. It stings. I won't lie. It feels like I am trying to fight my own ugly inner voice and then some outside ugly voice chimes in. If I weren't working with Julie right now I think I might be in a different place. I would be crying and eating some crap food. Instead I am going to keep looking at my inspiration picture and I'll keep repeating "Hillary, You Can Do This".

Tomorrow morning I have my DEXA scan. I am hoping its not too bad. I know its not good and I'm guessing I am still somewhere in the 30% range of fat. I am just hoping its not in the 40 or 50% range. After all the work I have done this year, that might make me cry.


For those who have tagged me- I promise I'll do a new post soon.