Tuesday, October 21, 2008

One Day at a Time

First I want to thank you ladies who have been so supportive, encouraging and "butt-kicking" when I needed you. (((HUGS))) I really do appreciate it. I am sorry I have sucked at commenting lately. The truth is, I am just depressed. I felt myself slipping and I just couldn't stop falling. I retreat when I am sad and hurting. I hope no one has been offended by my lack of communication. I suck at being vulnerable. :(

Right now I am taking one day at a time. I am back to doing BFL with Tae Bo and Tony workouts mixed in. Its been a huge struggle for me, but I had to make the decision to stop training with Tony. :( Finances are one part of the equation. I am trying not to be overwhelmed. I have the right foods in the house and I know what needs to be done. I am just focusing on each day. There is no tomorrow or yesterday. There is only what I can do to be healthy and make progress TODAY.

I feel like the cards are stacked against me. I have the infamous "tennis elbow" in my right arm. Lifting has been a struggle with some exercises. Even lifting my water jug out of the refrigerator causes shooting pain. *sigh* Little support in the "real world" (only the cyber world offers me hope lately). My hormones are totally whacked still. :( I'm giving it one more cycle on the ring before I call the doc. I have some sort of sinus deal that just won't leave me. I wake up every morning coughing up crap and my head is filled with more crap. I can't breathe through my nose. Seriously. Does my body just hate me? I wish I could go to a magic place and be "cleansed" or "healed" of all imbalances and just start fresh. This feeling broken is getting old.

I am trying to look at my adversities as obstacles to overcome. I usually like a good challenge and typically if you tell me I can't or shouldn't or won't, then I accept the challenge to prove you wrong. Lately, I just feel lethargic and apathetic. Who cares? Maybe I can't. Blah. I am hopeful that tomorrow will bring something better.
I am going to commit to doing a few things regularly that I think will help me find some balance.

1. Breathe Right Strips every night
2. Neti Pot Cleansing daily
3. 1 gallon+ water daily
4. 1 cup minimum of Tulsi Tea (if you haven't had this, its a must!!)
5. Vitamin Pack, Flax Oil, Evening Primrose Oil & Biotin daily
6. One yoga session (minimum) a week

I signed up for the BFL Tracker Fall Challenge. I aim to win it. I need to pull my head out of the depressed funk I am in. In addition to having a totally hot birthday suit by completion (my birthday is a few days before the end of my challenge), I am going to get a dog as my reward. Its a hot point with the hubby, but I am making some changes in that arena. *I* need to start living for ME. I am doing this challenge for me. After the challenge I may need to give and have foot surgery. (The pain is getting severe. *boo*) I will not be having surgery until I am healthy and fit. Better get the booty moving.... One day at a time. I can do this.


Tracy said...

BFL is a great program and very similar to what most trainers would give you, +/- some carbs here and there. As for support, lean on those around you. We've all been there (check out the diva aviators for inspiration, were doing before & nows). And keep the dream alive for YOU and a healthy life!