I'm down 1.6 lbs after a pretty good day yesterday! :D
It does mean that my body is down with the cardio.... which means lots of cardio.... *sigh* lol
I feel better knowing that a lot people do cardio and weights in the same session. Reduces my stress a lot. Some days it works to split it up. Other days its just not possible.
Ah yes, the days before Flo I get to visit Funky Town. I am trying so hard to not take things personally or be over emotional. I *thought* I was doing okay. Guess not so much.
I am feeling pretty alienated by everyone and everything. I don't feel like I am connected. I get all paranoid about stupid stuff. I wonder if everyone I know thinks I am crazy or stupid or if they are made at me. I start feeling like nobody likes me. *ugh* I hate when I get like this. Its annoying.
I am getting frustrated with Tony. I know he's busy. I know I need to be more proactive. I don't want to air this out here really. I am just venting. I know some of it is Funky Town, but some of it I need to deal with.
I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. I think I may go on a different pill. I am feeling way too crazy-like these last 6 months or so. *sigh*
Tomorrow is a new day. I am beginning strong and clean. I am bustin' it out til the end of the year. Planned cheats are Halloween (our anniversary), Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve. I have to be on my game 100% from here on out. I have 6 months before the Lakewood comp and I have about 60lbs to drop... Gotta get used to some intense EMC...
****EDITED TO SAY******
Leaving FUNKY TOWN soon. lol I have my gameplan for tomorrow set up on my livejournal. See the link ----> Healthgirl 101
I'll be writing on a more daily basis there. Feel free to stop by and comment.
Soooooo.....
I am hooked. Really hooked. I was always curious about the competitions. I even joked about competing when I was like 16 and my dad bought a bunch of weights and had books laying around the house. I had no idea what it was really about, I just thought it would be cool. So here I am. I have found the suits I love. (we'll see how things pan out by next year). I have been scouring the internet for information on posing and tanning and I even found a competition less than 30 minutes from me next year!!! I am even MORE excited. I still haven't had a real conversation with T. :( Dang he is hard to get in touch with. I went out looking for "the shoes". I almost bought a pair that would be too short- just to have them and play. I am nowhere near a comp figure, but I've been practicing what little I have learned as far as posing goes. I even went tanning today. LOL Not that one visit makes a difference...
I am going to try and hit arms tomorrow. How bad can that be, right? I *NEED* to workout. For my mental sanity.... I am feeling better. Still a little funky in my stomach, but I think I can do vitamins and whole foods tomorrow. I am still scared to do dairy and protein powder. :( Maybe I'll wait until Monday for those. Veggies and meats and soup and fruits for now.
Off to bed now. :)
OH! PS--> I have a livejournal account set up now for a day by day journal instead of taking up my blog with moodiness or what I ate, etc.
Healthgirl 101
*Sigh*
Really. Stomach.... PLEASE get better NOW!
I managed more solid types of food so far today. I also got some vitamins in me without any episodes so far. There's no way I would have attempted them earlier this week. So progress is being made. I chomping at the bit here. I *WANT* to kick into high gear. I know doing that today will only make me feel tired and worn out for tomorrow. I *HAVE* to go into work all weekend. Its going to take a miracle, but I need to meet my quota. SO.... I am going to clean my house up and go for a walk later. I am kinda craving proteins, but I won't lie- I'm scared. I can't handle another bout of food poisoning. I seriously thought I was dying. I was so scared. I won't ever repeat this phrase I'm sure, but.... I am so sick of carbs! I need something else now. I just have to pray my body can handle something like meat.
And I found the suits I want. Hubby is planning to make me a 2 piece- oh boy! I am saving to have 2 suits made professionally, but we'll see.
I love love love that color. I am so excited. lol I have.... well just look at the ticker. I am gonna be HOT-AS-Hell by my birthday in January.
I can't wait to go to see Carla in Nov. Then I'll have a real taste of what the comps are all about. :)
The DH took me to the fabric store tonight. It wore me out fast so I didn't get a good look at the fabrics. Overall I didn't see what I have in my mind.
I am seeing it in my mind. I am dreaming of my perfectly strong, sexy body. I BELIEVE I can achieve it.
I love the purple stripes but might prefer aqua/ turquoise. Where do I find this material??
I like this one piece, too...
This blue/turquoise is still my favorite color:
I can't wait to get back on track! I am doing my best to be patient, but patience never was my strong suit. I am feeling the effects of trying to do too much today. I am planning on an early morning walk to work to get my car tomorrow. Its been at work for 2 days now.
Anyone use bee pollen or Tulsi tea as recommended by Tosca Reno? I heard her talk about the bee pollen on her interview with Tony. I just wondered if it had any positive effects for anyone. The Tulsi tea is tasty. Don't know how effective it is for cortisol management, but hey, I'm stressed enough that it couldn't hurt. :)
The Law of Attraction
So.... I felt overwhelmed and stressed out at work. I met my activations goal for yesterday but I am home today. Why am I home today? Because I have been wanting time off. Aside from some nasty side effects from the medication I am on, I managed to get food poisoning. I wish I were kidding.
Am I saying that the Law of Attraction made me get food poisoning? Possibly. I wanted time off from work and I got it- I wasn't specific in my thoughts of HOW to get off work. I just wanted off. I have had 2 extra days off this week. Spiffy. Now, I have learned enough and seen enough with the LOA to know that it works- in positive or negative form. What you think about, you bring about.
So for the next couple of days I am going to think about how strong my muscles are, how much fat I am losing, how healthy I am, how healed and strong my stomach is... I am also going to think about how many activations I will do. I am going to think about how great my coworkers are and how I can make a lot of money to achieve other goals while I am there. I also need to start seeing myself in my skinny jeans. And while I am at I am going to think about all the yummy healthy foods I can eat.
Thanks Liimu for giving me a kick in the butt. ;)
Oh- and Tony told me that we can quickly undo any damage and get back to my goals. That makes me feel less stressed already!
I'm feeling terribly vulnerable right now. :(
I'm feeling insecure, overwhelmed, stressed out... My stomach is really starting to hurt again. Why? I started thinking about work. *sigh* I really need to do something. I'm freaking out. I've been off for 2 days (one sick day, the other scheduled off). I slept and rested, and relaxed. Now I feel paralyzed. I am trying to get my workout done and I feel like hiding. WTF? I am an adult. Yet I feel like hiding under the covers and not going to work. Is my work *really* that bad? Apparently in my mind it is. I have to get 4 activations a day to meet a minimum acceptable quota. (this time of year that is going to be hard!) I have an assistant boss who doesn't really assist. She gets in the way and harasses people. I am one of her favorite targets. I don't give a rat's butt about cell phones anymore. Its not exciting and I am tired of pushing people to buy more than they want or need. Part of me feels like taking the hit- taking the write up. Its not worth my health, is it? I don't like the idea of being written up at all, but I just don't care right now. I am tired of being stressed out at this job.
I haven't gotten anything done this week. Almost all the dishes are dirty, the washing machine is broke... I'm PMSing, stressing, and in pain. *waaaaaaaaaaah*
I need a miracle. I need some way out of this job with a new one- a better one lined up. I feel like I have no skill set anymore. I am good at sales and retail- which is the last place I want to be. I miss my old job- I liked the home improvement/construction industry. The money just isn't there. There are a lot of things I like and could do... nothing that pays well though. I'd love to have my own business. I can't decide what to do though. In this current market and this economy... I'm not too confident anything I'd like would survive. I'm stuck in the negative rut. :(
I need a shot of positive!
I have an ulcer.
Yep. That's why my stomach has been so angry lately. I am on medication now. I had a bad morning with being sick. I walked into work and started crying from the pain and nausea so they sent me home/ to the doctor. I feel ok right now. Not good, just not nauseated. There is a dull ache instead of sharp pain, so I guess that is acceptable. I slept for 4 hours this afternoon. Hubby made me some soup and I've been sipping on some Vernors. Not exactly what I had planned, but it is what it is. Still need to talk to T.
I did my shoulder workout this morning before the illness struck so violently. I felt great for about 10 minutes and then I was soooo ill. I am hoping that by the end of the week my pain and nausea will be gone or at least diminished enough for me to push it hard in my workouts and get back to my meal plan. I was really upset earlier, but now I am looking at it a little differently. This is life. Things happen. Somethings I can control or overcome, other things require cooperation, possibly healing and patience. So.... this is one thing I have to work with the best I can.
**WARNING- Negative Emotional Outburst**
Feel free to skip over this.
I need to get some of this out of my system. Its that time again. Friggin PMS. *sigh* So it appears I gained 4 pounds overnight. Yep. 4. Overnight. F-U! I feel so fat and nasty. I just want to cry. I would also like to eat junky foods to console myself. I won't though. I just feel like I work so hard for nothing. I feel like if I am not 100% perfect that its all a waste. I know PMS is getting me down now, but I have been struggling this whole last week. For the last 3 weeks I have struggled to move the darn number on the scale. I get stuck fairly easy. (I know its just a number, but the avg healthy loss should move the damn thing down 2 lbs a week!) I'm frustrated. I seriously lack the energy to do 2 hours of cardio plus weights everyday. And what happens when I plateau again? 3 hours of cardio, then 4?? Damnit body!! I'm pretty angry. I am so sick of this feckin fat!!!!! GET OFF OF ME! I just want to scream. I haven't been able to reach T all week. I heard he was sick. :( I need to relax about this, but its irritating. I took some quick pictures yesterday and I seriously look worse than 3 weeks ago. I look like there is a huge fat layer over everything. :( :( :( WHY??? Is it from the carbs? What the hell am I supposed to do when I feel like throwing up all day? I can't not eat or I lose muscle- which it seems like that happened anyway. I had one good day- one magical day.... and now I am even further in the pit of despair. *blah*
DH is irritating the crap out of me. He's been especially needy. I have been so focused on work, working out and desperately trying to lose weight. He's been neglected. I feel bad, but its just one more thing on my plate. And now I feel guilty for focusing on me with no results.
I feel totally overwhelmed and incapable. I can't see myself in my bikini. I can't see myself succeeding. Right now all I can see is this blob. This angry, emotional blob. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying so hard and not getting far. I am not strong today. :( I don't know how I am going to deal with the skinny-bitch boss lady- the one who purposely eats crap in front of me, the one who tries to make everything I do harder than it needs to be. *sigh* Oh- and I have to work 12 hours today. I'm sure I'll have enough energy to do an hour of cardio tonight. Where is this magic fountain of energy????
I have nothing left in me right now other than expletives. I wanted to conquer my workout hardcore this morning. Instead, I got woke up 4x in a 6 hour stretch last night and I am just not with it. I'm a tired, emotional freak show.
I just wanna scream and go back to bed. :(
This morning was just magical. :)
Last night I dreamt about being slim and sexy. I woke up this morning and hopped on the scale. I was amazed to see I had lost weight! I thought maybe I lost some muscle, but I feel firmer... I did my weights and felt stronger than I have in a long time. I didn't seem to lose any ground this week! Then I went for my intervals in the park. I had the whole trail to myself. I was going along listening to a new set of tunes and I looked up at the sky. A RAINBOW!! A rainbow, all by itself in the middle of the sky. There was no rain, but it was a bit foggy. It was lovely and magical. I envisioned myself as I want to be. I saw myself running harder, faster, reaching my goals... I enjoyed every moment of my workout. I felt alive again. This last week was a real struggle. Today felt like a breakthrough. I feel strong, alive, capable, and more at peace. We always say this is a marathon and not a sprint. Well... for me its working out to be one of Tony's interval workouts! LOL I just need to up the intensity on the lower intervals. ;)
Today feels good.
Make your own Countdown Clocks
