Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Feeling all vulnerable...

I'm feeling terribly vulnerable right now. :(
I'm feeling insecure, overwhelmed, stressed out... My stomach is really starting to hurt again. Why? I started thinking about work. *sigh* I really need to do something. I'm freaking out. I've been off for 2 days (one sick day, the other scheduled off). I slept and rested, and relaxed. Now I feel paralyzed. I am trying to get my workout done and I feel like hiding. WTF? I am an adult. Yet I feel like hiding under the covers and not going to work. Is my work *really* that bad? Apparently in my mind it is. I have to get 4 activations a day to meet a minimum acceptable quota. (this time of year that is going to be hard!) I have an assistant boss who doesn't really assist. She gets in the way and harasses people. I am one of her favorite targets. I don't give a rat's butt about cell phones anymore. Its not exciting and I am tired of pushing people to buy more than they want or need. Part of me feels like taking the hit- taking the write up. Its not worth my health, is it? I don't like the idea of being written up at all, but I just don't care right now. I am tired of being stressed out at this job.

I haven't gotten anything done this week. Almost all the dishes are dirty, the washing machine is broke... I'm PMSing, stressing, and in pain. *waaaaaaaaaaah*

I need a miracle. I need some way out of this job with a new one- a better one lined up. I feel like I have no skill set anymore. I am good at sales and retail- which is the last place I want to be. I miss my old job- I liked the home improvement/construction industry. The money just isn't there. There are a lot of things I like and could do... nothing that pays well though. I'd love to have my own business. I can't decide what to do though. In this current market and this economy... I'm not too confident anything I'd like would survive. I'm stuck in the negative rut. :(

I need a shot of positive!


Liimu said...

COME ON! What happened to the Law of Attraction!? STOP, STOP, STOP with the negative talk - take some time tonight and really think, think, THINK about what you WANT to be doing - home improvement? Personal training? Fine art? DO IT! You can DO IT! First figure out what it is, then MANIFEST IT!

Go back and re-read the Secret, my dear, rewatch the DVD, do whatever you have to do, but seriously - change the messages you're sending out into the Universe. Remember, if you say, "I hate my job, I don't want this job..." all the Universe hears is "This job, this job, this job". So, if home improvement is what you want to do, focus as much time and energy as you can talking about that, researching that, doing that. Start with your own home - there is TONS of money to be made out there. Maybe do it on the side - offering to help people spruce up their homes in preparation for selling them, or interior design, or WHATEVER!

But believe me, people thought I was crazy to leave a six-figure job at Johnson & Johnson earlier this year to start my own business, especially in this economy. But I believed. I believed, and I still believe! And so can YOU!

I believe in you - believe in yourself, girl. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Anonymous said...

Sending virtual hugs. I hate my job and it's hours (I work overnights) so I understand your pain. Hoping things work out the way you want them to soon. :)

Health Girl said...

Thanks Liimu. I need the kick in the butt. ;) I get some time off today- thanks to food poisoning on top of my ulcer. Perhaps I can iron out more of what I want to do.

Evelyne- sorry you don't like your job either. Its hard when you know there is something more. I know when I am not feeling physically well, everything else gets tainted. Hope you are feeling better soon.