Thursday, February 19, 2009

History of My Quest for Thinness

"Eat THIS, not That". "No, eat THAT, not This." "This is good for you, That is bad." "That is good for you and This is bad."

So goes the diet and health industry. Most of the time whatever is good or bad for you depends on what is being sold. I've been sold on a lot of things in my career as a lifetime dieter. In my younger years, I'd try anything. As I got older, I would get desperate. I have had brief encounters with healthier options but usually results weren't instantaneous and I would get impatient. What was happening on the inside was not as important as what changes occurred on the outside. I wanted exterior results.

Now as I yo-yoed further and further from my goals, I started seeking more energy,too. Being overweight was taking a toll on my energy. Somewhere along the line I was just plain exhausted. I was at a lighter weight- 135 and things seemed to keep getting worse. I would have moments of more energy, but that seemed to wane into exhaustion.
There are myriad of things (symptoms or dis-ease) that were happening at various times throughout my journey. Sometimes they coincided, sometimes they were separate. Mostly though, they were present together. Allergies, congestion, chronic sinus infections nausea, exhaustion, skin irritations, and asthma. The main constants were allergies, congestion, asthma and fatigue/exhaustion. I was always searching for a way to look good and feel good.

Things I have done/tried/ingested, etc. for weight loss: (in no particular order)

* Richard Simmons (I remember exercising with my mom to a Richard Simmons Record!!) Is this where it all began???
* Chromium Picolinate
* Slim Fast
* Tae Bo
* Metabolife
* Xenadrine
* Hydroxycut
* Slim & Healthy Weight loss center- supps & diet program
* Juice Fasting
* Colon Cleanse
* Working out at the gym (with no clue on nutrition)
* The Master Cleanse
* The South Beach Diet
* The Cabbage Soup Diet
* The Grapefruit Diet
* Weight Watchers
* Yoga
* Lipo 6
* Hoodia
* Super Citramax
* Doctor Supervised Weight loss- including a prescription called Adipex
* Cinnamon & ACV Supplements
* Body For Life (x2)
* Vegetarian diet (this wasn't just weight loss oriented)
* The Rice Diet
* Personal Training
* Carb Cycling
* Glycemic Index Approach
* Starvation & Extreme Low Calorie Consumption

Sadly, I'm sure there are few more things I have forgotten about, but you get the idea. Atkins is not on the list because I never did like meat and couldn't stand the thought of the whole program. I saw my mom lose weight and rebound in a terrible way so she learned that lesson for me.

There is NO miracle pill. The closest was Adipex. Let me tell you- that drug was ADDICTIVE. It was seriously like legal cocaine or something. STRONG appetite suppressant, nice upper - lots of energy, never fatigued. Coming off of it meant anger, depression, fatigue & cravings for more... I *needed* to stay on it to continue losing weight. As soon as I had lost enough weight, the doctor removed it from the plan. I found myself starving- the hunger was intense. I couldn't get enough food. I was drinking tons of water to try and satiate the hunger but no go. Even when my will power was strong and I didn't over eat for several weeks in a row, the weight just kept piling back on.

Over the years I have done some serious damage to my body. Its no wonder I am where I am today. Binging and starvation cycles with supplements/ prescription drugs and whatever else in between... all those things plus prescriptions (not related to weight loss) and genetic predispositions have all made their impact. I could be angry about this. I could blame my parents for lack of healthful eating or exercise role models. I could blame the fast food places, the government, the FDA... I could blame my coworkers, the food manufacturers, the internet, the world... I could even blame myself. I'm not going to blame anyone or anything. There is a lot of mis-information out there. Information that was previously thought correct and proven wrong later as well as outright lies. I have learned so much through every experience. I am now at a place where all these lessons and experiences are coming together for an epiphany.

I am taking a more holistic approach to things now. I have a lot of healing to do before my body will just give up the fat and be energetic again. Like a car engine with several issues, fixing one thing won't make everything run correctly. Each part needs to be fixed. As each part of my body gets tuned up, my metabolism will be corrected and a longer, and most importantly a HEALTHIER life will result.

I will write the specifics of my new approach in another blog. I'm still gathering and fine-tuning my ideas. I wanted to get my history down so I could reflect more on what I have gone through so far to get to this point.

Okay, I just had to.... THIS is a picture of the Richard Simmons Album my mom and I worked out to. It was from 1982!! I was about 5 when my mom and did this!! OMG!


Liimu said...

Wow - I can so relate! Let's just be positively committed to being gentle and good to our bodies, every day, what do you say? If we came across a little child who had been taking through that type of wringer, we would just fold him/her in our arms and be gentle and loving, but continually redirecting that child to the ways to be healthy and exhibit good behavior that serves them for the long term. Whatever plan we decide on for life, it should be like that. It should feel like it is really taking care of us while at the same time, taking care of business!

Cheering you on,


Lori said...

You are amazing! I am so happy for you and your attitude. I love your honesty. You are gorgeous inside and out!

I believe the world gives us what we put into it. If we think we're fat and need a diet, then we are... but if we think we deserve to feed ourselves with the food we KNOW we need to be healthy, all the time, then we will finally be healthy.

I can't believe how much I relate with every one of your posts! :D

Jessica said...

Hey girl,

Thank you SO much for being transparent and sharing so much with us....your journey is a powerful one and one we can all identify with.

We are all here to help you with your journey....believe in yourself and know that it will all come together. :)

Much love,

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