Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Yesterday started well. I was on target with eating and working out. I lasted until about 2:45. Everything fell apart around then. I was cleaning my house up and doing laundry. I was feeling great and then out of nowhere... I started feeling tired. Then I started feeling sad and weepy. Then I was freaking out for sugar. I don't have any in the house. I needed sweets. :( I had chicken and veggies with a tiny bit of pasta- hoping that would fix the INTENSE craving. No go. I went out to buy coffee and came home with coffee, cookies and ice cream! I felt guilty, but did that stop me? Nope. I feel like a true addict. I don't understand. I was doing well. I wasn't feeling deprived or anything. I felt accomplished and positive. Out of nowhere I started feeling physically and emotionally whacked out. I checked my sugar when I was freaking out wanting it so bad. I thought it might be that I was low or something. Nope. I was just fine. The only thing I can think is it is related to cortisol. I am frustrated and confused. I just hate feeling like a victim. I hate feeling like I have no control. This is SO beyond will power. I was like a ravaging machine. If I didn't get some stupid sugar I was going to ... I don't know. I was freaking out though. Its worse now than I have ever experienced. I am off supplemental hormones. Maybe its that. Ugh. April 1st can't come quick enough.

I am swollen up today. I don't feel like working out. I am congested and grumpy. I got what I deserved after eating crap. I drank 5 liters of water yesterday. I ate clean until the evening. I worked out. I did some things right. I'll focus on that for now.

I'm up, down and all around. *sigh*


Lori said...

I just wanted to say that I really like the new direction you are taking with your blog. I'm definately staying with you girl!

Regarding today's post, I think you should try to take smaller steps. Don't expect yourself to be perfect. You crash and then beat yourself up about it and that makes you crash even harder. I know.. I've done it too! Look at the overall picture and gradually make changes. You're doing great! :)