Thursday, April 16, 2009

Its been 2 days back on HBC (hormonal birth control). I'm pleased with the results already. Migraines- *poof* gone. I'm pretty irritated that the doctors I talk with all acknowledge that hormones can cause headaches but no one seems to know how or why. Or at least no one will explain it or acknowledge that something in my hormone levels is amiss. At this point my head is not ready to fall off my body so I'm not complaining. I am just praying that everything else will straighten out. I don't want to deal with other side effects like more weight gain, depression, acne, etc. So far my face is clearing a little, but I think that was part of my cycle to begin with. I'm avoiding the scale from now on. I have been busting tail for a week on workout- though I was terrible weak and exhausted for a few. I have been so good with food. You'd think that since it was SO easy to pack on that some of it would come off. Nope. I am trying not to freak out, but I feel huge. I am huge. Its been a year since I first started BFL and I am right back where I started. :( I am trying hard to stay positive. I just wanted to be in such a different place by now. I envisioned being a hot fitness chic by now. I'm okay if that's not my path, but I don't have to be a cow do I?

I can do this. In 6 months I am going to be at least 50lbs lighter. Hopefully more. I am going to go skydiving in Hawaii. I have already envisioned this and felt it many times. I am doing this as a present to myself. I am going to be light and beautiful and free. I'm going to hold on to that image and see where it takes me.