Saturday, August 16, 2008


So I have been scouring the internet for photos of what I am going for with my body. I have found a few that are close. I want this so much. Like a dummy I got on the scale this morning. I am up .4lbs. :( No loss? I've been feeling kinda squishy all week instead of hard and toned. :( Now the scale reports up. Blah. Now I am frantically going over the week. What did I do poorly, what could have been better. I didn't hit my workouts as hard some days because I was exhausted. Why was I exhausted- not enough food. Why not enough food- work. This is where I start crying. I am so stressed out at my job. I am tired, stressed and anxious. I had 2 lovely days away from the hell-hole. Today I go back. I feel like throwing up. :( I don't know what to do. Jobs in this area are slim to none and ones that pay decent... well I need schooling. How do I go back to school? Keep working at my job. *sigh* My job pays well and my health insurance is great. I just have to kill a little piece of my soul everyday to have those things. :( I don't want to be there anymore. I want to help people. I want to be healthy doing it. Being driven like slave labor to sell people feckin' cell phones is ridiculous.

I am tired and anxious. I want to train harder, eat better and reach my goals faster. I keep telling myself that other people do this, so can I. I just don't know where they get the energy. I am so damn tired some days. I need good food. Work likes to bring in pizza instead of letting us sit down and eat. Ummmm, that's gonna help me.


Sorry for the downer post. I just really needed to get that off my chest. I still don't want to go in. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off. I need it.


dolphingurlct said...

Oh man, where do I start? I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. There is nothing worse than hating your job. Pay means nothing if you get an ulcer every time you have to go. You need to figure out what you want to do and GO FOR IT! I realize that is much easier said than done. What about online schooling? I figured out what I wanted and went for it but my situation was much different I'm sure. My husband had a job that allowed us to live off his income for a while while I went to a community college for my nursing degree. I don't know if you are at all interested in nursing but the shortage is so great that even those with degrees earned online get jobs easily, usually months before they even graduate. No matter where you live there is a major nursing shortage and there are so many possibilities as to what you can do as a nurse. Just some some research and see what you can find. No job is worth getting yourself sick over.

Tina said...

Take a deep breath and breath, slow deep breaths...okay I'm sure you are already felling better! First off you can always have a scoop of protein and a shaker bottle on hand to get in a meal...also I've use instone puddings, but they're hard to find right now. Have something on hand at all times...and talk to Tony about it...I'm a nurse, you should see how crazy I look sometimes getting in a meal...but the muscle needs it's protein if I want it to let them talk!! Just think of ways to be prepared!!

Second...start exploring, making plans for your future... I did it too, completed my nursing degree while working full time midnights and caring for 2 was a long five years without sleep...but you can do anything if you want it bad enough, just make sure you want it bad enough!!

I've been through what you are feeling, but you know what you are feeling, and that is awesome :) It's crazy how taking charge in one area of your life leads to taking charge period....just don't get too ahead of yourself, breath, the journey has just begun!!!

Health Girl said...

Thanks so much ladies. I really freaked out this morning. The day turned out better than it has been in ages. I've thought about nursing a lot and I am actually looking into going back to school to be a dietitian. Not sure how this is all going to work out. I am the carrier of health insurance. The DH has his own business.
Tina- that's a crazy life you lived to get thru all that! *whew*

I know that I am ultimately responsible for my choices and actions. I have protein powder with me, but most times I can't even get to the back to do a quick mix. The Instone puddings are on my list as soon as they are available again. Tony and I talked about a few things. I know its only a matter of time. :) I know that things have to change.

Thanks again ladies!! I really appreciate your support.