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Friday, December 12, 2008

Fire?

My fire is gone right now. My fire for just life. The desire to go on like this day to day is gone. Oh it will return. Right now... I need to get my head in a better space pronto. I just don't care right now. I am feeling beaten. I feel so much like a dog tied to a really, really long chain. I thought I was free and I was running towards my goal. I had to do a few jumps already, but I was on my way. I was running fast and I was going to make it... until the chain jerked me back down. I am lying here stunned right now. I keep telling myself that things don't have to be only one way. There are other ways to do other things. I am just so disappointed. My stress levels are still through the roof. Job/financial instability is freaking me out. I do the best I can and it doesn't matter. I have always been good at what I do, but... the bar keeps getting raised so much higher. I feel like I'm drowning. No one cares if I stay or go. I'm of no real value. I keep looking elsewhere for jobs and there aren't any. :( The economy stinks around here especially and if I leave I lose benefits to end up working 2 jobs with none.

Where is my fire? I need it back to survive.

2 comments:

mikeyrosie000 said...

Hillary

I CARE!

Things will work out in the end, it just takes sometime...if you ever need to take you can always give me a call ;)

Marissa said...

Don't talk like that! As hard as it is you have to look past all that and move forward! I'm here too if you need to vent. I take my frustration and worries out on the elliptical.
Cheer up girl. You have a lot to look forward to! Don't let things out of your control get you down!

Hugs!