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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Becoming Myself

“Be yourself, don't take anyone's shit, and never let them take you alive.”

-- Gerard Way

That one made me giggle...



“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

-- Anna Quindlen


Its no secret that I hate my job. Its filled with a ridiculous amount of stress that stems mostly from one person. My boss is neurotic, micro-managing, condescending and often irrational. When he relaxes for a moment and the real man comes out, he's a caring and understanding guy. *headthunk* It makes it so hard to just plain hate the man. It would be easier on my psyche if he abused animals or something. Instead, despite HR calls and reports, there lies inside a real person, a real human being- not the monster he becomes at work. I guess its a good thing to remember and know. I just wish he'd stop being an insane, degrading, know-it-all whacko. *sigh* Aside from the stress of him and the constantly increasing goals, I really am bored. I don't really like my job much at all anymore. The people I work with are okay, some I am close to, but I'm just not invested anymore. There is no future for me there. No chance to move up and I can't handle the types of business I want. I WANT to sell to businesses and can't because I am in the retail channel. Either way... its not what I want to do.

So, what DO I want to do? Well... I want to really work on my photography. I love taking pictures. Lately I haven't had the fire. It makes me sad because I love looking at life through a lens. I am taking some maternity shots for my coworker/friend. I've never done anything like it, so it will be a good experience for me and a free maternity shoot for her. At worst, we redo some shots and/or she hires a pro after all. Either way, its a good deal for both of us. Another coworker is pregnant and I she wants hers done, too. I will most likely do hers, too. I have to be honest and say that I prefer chasing bugs and capturing flowers. I prefer nature over portrait stuff. However, I think I could become good at people photography if I wanted to. My ultimate dream would be to shoot in Africa- capturing the amazing wildlife and people on that continent. Heck I'd be able to travel everywhere- anywhere- and take pictures. THAT's the ULTIMATE dream for me. In order to do those things, though I need money. I need to buy better and more camera equipment, I need airfare and traveling expenses, etc. I want to be healthy and athletic. I like to get close so I need to be healthy and athletic if I need to run! lol
I feel like a bird trapped in a cage. I see the world outside and know that I just *HAVE* to get out. I need to stretch my wings and gain strength. I need to fly... I need to fly... This is the key to becoming myself...


*wow* While I was going to get a few pics to post here, I noticed that the number of views on my photo site have blown up! :D
Examples...








6 comments:

mikeyrosie000 said...

Go for your dream girl!!

Your pics are beautiful you will do great things!

Tracy said...

Awesome pics! I'm a photo buff too, we'll have to do a road trip sometime. Nature is my fav. Here is an awesome site to look and post pics on: http://www.betterphoto.com/home.asp & my gallery:http://www.betterphoto.com/gallery/free/gallery.asp?memberID=64858

Marissa said...

Wow Hillary! What are you waiting for?! Go for your dream, start a small photography business on the side, sell your work, work at art shows, farmers markets, etc until you have enough $$ to get better equipment..start a website, then finally when you can tell that boss to shove it! Don't wait till the time is "right", no such thing. Just do it! No time is better than the present (don't know who said that but I think it's a famous quote).

That's what I did with my online pet boutique. Ya I've taken a hit in pay(used to sell lia sophia jewelry and did well). But you find ways to manage and eventually all that hard work pays off!

Your work is so beautiful..calming. :)

simpledaisy said...

Great photos!! Follow your dreams wherever they may take you!!

Evelyne said...

Beautiful shots! You really have some talent there! Save every dime, nickel and penny that you can. If there's a will, there's a way! Keep working towards your dream and NEVER give it up! You'll get there!

Health Girl said...

Thanks everyone for the great comments. I'm working on some ideas...

Tracy- that link didn't work for me. ? I got the main site... it looks cool!